Should the Wife Submit to Her Husband?

Published on 04/28/24 by Dr-Shirley-Cheng.

Should the wife submit to her husband?

Yes, the wife should submit to her husband. However, we need to understand what Biblical "submission" of wives means in order to properly live by it. There are three divine truths we need to live by, and they are:

1) Wives are to submit to their husbands just as the church (the body of Christ, or all Christians collectively) submits to Jesus Christ:

In the Scriptures, God uses marriage as a symbol to represent the relationship between the Christ and the church. Christ is the "husband" whereas the body of Christ is his "bride."
Just as Christ is the Head of the church or assembly, so the husband is the head of his wife (1 Corinthians 11:3).

Just as the church is subject to the Christ, so the wife should be subject to her husband. She must respect her husband as her head, honoring her husband as she would honor Lord Jesus Christ himself, for everyone is ultimately subject to Christ. Just as the church should submit to Christ in everything, so the wife should submit to her husband "in everything."

We must consider "in everything" in its context and not lose the Biblical analogy of marriage. It is right for the church to submit to Christ in "everything" because Christ is entirely good and will not let his bride do anything that compromises virtue or makes the church unnecessarily uncomfortable; after all, he is her Savior, having redeemed her with his own blood. If his bride rebels and refuses to submit to him, then her rebellion would not be justified and she would be sinning.

With that in mind, in an actual marriage, if the husband is Christ-like, he would not put his wife in any questionable situation or subject her to something that makes her uncomfortable or unhappy unnecessarily, therefore it is right for his wife to submit herself to him in everything.

However, marriage is not between two people who are perfectly Christ-like--far from it. Marriage is a union between two sinful human beings with finite knowledge and understanding. For this reason, there will be times when the husband makes bad decisions and puts his wife in a compromising situation or makes her feel less than how she should feel. This is the only time where the wife should not submit to her husband: when he asks her to partake in something that conflicts with God's precepts or principles or forces her to do something that goes against her convictions, for whenever we do something against our conviction is a sin (Romans 14:23). Since she is ultimately subject to God and Christ, then she must say "No" to her husband when he wants her to do something of a questionable nature. In all other circumstances, she is subject to him in everything.

Something else we must understand about the wife being subject to her husband. Submitting to her husband does not mean silence. It does not mean that she cannot speak her mind or give her husband advice, though she must do so respectfully. It does not mean that she is inferior to him in any way. Again, we must not lose the Biblical analogy of marriage. If the church is free to express herself to Christ with respect, then the wife must have the same kind of freedom with her husband. There has to be open communication between the wife and her husband; good communication is a key to a firm relationship. The wife must never be prevented from conveying her thoughts or be shut out from her husband's activities. Without her, the husband would be body-less! What good would a head be without a body?

2) The husband must love his wife as his own body and submit himself to her as the servant leader of the family

Paul admonished husbands, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish." (Ephesians 5:25-27, WEB)

Husbands must not think that they're somehow given an easy-pass, thinking that being the head means dictatorship in the house. In actuality, the role that a husband plays in the family is a self-sacrificial role. As the head of his wife, he has the greatest responsibility to ensure her welfare, physically and spiritually. He must not forget what being compared to Christ means: it means sacrifice.

As the Head, Jesus Christ laid down his life for his bride. He shed his blood so she can live and live purposefully.

In the manner that Jesus loves the church, the husband should love his wife: sacrificially. He should put her needs above his, doing whatever is best for her, even if it means costing other things that he values such as time, money, public opinion, or even his own life. Essentially, subjecting himself to his wife is all about serving her selflessly. He is to seek her glory, not his own; and her glory will become his, for when others see his glorious wife on his side, people will know what a good husband she has!

Paul continued, "Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly; because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones. 'For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh.'" (Ephesians 5:28-31)

The very first woman and wife (Eve) of the first man (Adam) was made from a part of the man's body, namely his rib, so his wife was truly his "body," the bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. Yahweh God performed the first marriage in history when He presented Eve to Adam, and they became "one flesh," denoting spiritual oneness. In every subsequent marriage, a man and his wife become one body in their union. Though no other wife ever literally comes forth from her husband's body, every husband should love his wife as his own body. Generally speaking, every man loves his body and takes care of it by feeding and clothing it. When a man sees his wife as his body, then he ought to love her as he loves his physical body, nourishing her however she needs to be nourished. He must show her love in the ways Jesus shows his love to his body, his bride.

3) Marriage should be established on agape love: Christ-like sacrificial love

This is what agape looks like: "Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Let us look at each characteristic of love a bit closely:

Love is...
a) Patient and kind: A loving person is patient with other people's shortcomings and spiritual development. They are kind to everyone, even to ones who don't deserve their love.

b) Not envious: A loving person doesn't envy what other people have or do. They are content with their lives and happy for other people's blessings.

c) Not boastful or proud: A loving person does not brag of themselves but esteems others above themselves.

d) Not act inappropriately: A loving person does not do something that is inappropriate in the sight of God. Their speech and their ways are weighed and measured and are in accordance with Biblical principles and precepts.

e) Not selfish: A loving person does not seek their own way, but is selfless and puts other people's interests above their own.

f) Not provoked: A loving person does not get angry easily. They consider what people said or did first before reacting with anger if necessary. If someone truly did wrong, they will get angry for the reason; this is righteous anger. But if someone merely insulted them, they will let it go. It's not something to get provoked about. Since a loving person is patient and not self-centered, then they bear the faults of others without getting angry needlessly.

g) Not vengeful: A loving person does not take account of evil or small wrong things done to them. They ignore insults. If there's a crime committed against them, they will have the authority deal with it.

h) Not joyful over unrighteousness but over truth: A loving person doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth. They hate what is evil and cling to what is good. If someone does wrong, they will rebuke them for that person's own good, even if it means receiving backlash in turn. If that person repents, they will celebrate with them. They defend the truth and what is right at all costs.

i) eternal: A loving person bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things because love never fails. They don't let life's hardships get them down. They are always hopeful and believe in the best of people. They are rooted in the love of God. It's not their love that gets them through dark days but they know it's God's love that does this. God's love is eternal, so God will maintain them eternally. For this reason, they endure all things and bear with the hardships that events and people bring them. They are always hopeful, looking forward to the glorious future that awaits all those who love God.

When a marriage is founded on agape, then both partners are to be patient with each other and not demand that their "rights" be served. It is about serving each other self-sacrificially, where each spouse puts the needs of their partner above theirs.